Happy Anniversary

I’m not sure what to call the upcoming week.  I guess the most appropriate term would be “Hell Week.”  One year ago this week a giant bulldozer came and knocked over my whole world.  I felt pain on the 13th, went to the doctor the very next day, and by that night I received the dreaded phone call.  Everything happened so fast – I believe that while it was a ton of information to absorb in such a short period of time, so many times it takes much longer for people to be diagnosed, and truth be told – I really didn’t have that kind of time.  If things hadn’t moved so quickly, I probably wouldn’t be here today – my cancer grows fast

While I’ve never ever asked the requisite question:  “How long do I have,” my doctor told me a while back that he had a patient only a few years older than me present with my cancer at approximately the same stage – he was dead in a month.  One year later, I’m still here.  I’m thankful for every day, every moment.  While I have no idea what my life would be like today if I didn’t have this disease, I do know that way back then, I didn’t appreciate life the way I do now. 

What really stinks is that on September 16th, I had my biopsy.  It was also my mom’s birthday.  Sorry mom – I hate thinking the two events will be forever tied.  Truth be told, I really don’t know how I feel about this upcoming anniversary.  Celebrating the fact that I’m still here and focusing on this milestone sometimes makes me remember just how scary cancer can be, and I hate the feeling of being scared by cancer.  I don’t want my mindset to be “this is the disease that will one day kill me.”  I want my mindset to be, “I have a disease that is managed, and I just go on living my life.”  There are so many lifelong diseases that can and do kill people:  diabetes, MS, parkinsons, etc.  Why does mine have to be any different?  My sister has lived with type 1 diabetes since she was a young teen.  She’ll never get rid of it.  She lives around it. 

There are so many promising developments on the horizon in cancer research.  Maybe one will benefit me at some point.  I plan to be around to find out.  So, let’s not focus on what this week means so much.  Yeah, I’m here – why wouldn’t I be?

Instead – HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!  That’s what we should be celebrating!!!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mom
    Sep 11, 2010 @ 08:17:37

    …and you are my greatest gift this year.


  2. Rebecca
    Sep 20, 2010 @ 12:21:26

    I celebrate with you that you are still here. And I also celebrate what you have done with your life in the past year! You’re right that you can’t know where you’d be today without the diagnosis, but we do know where you ARE, and it’s all good! I love you, my dear niece, and I celebrate your life, both here and eternally 🙂

    I know you will have a wonderful time with your mom at the spa. Can’t wait to hear about your special day!


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