Numero Uno


So this is it!  You made it here – maybe you’re wondering why??  I started this blog, I suppose, to document what I believe is a new life.  It certainly is different from the one I had before September 2009.  It was then I was diagnosed with Stage IV cholangiocarcinoma, a rare (and let’s be honest:  sucky) form of cancer.  I couldn’t have tripped over a stack of money, no.  I had to get this.  So what do you do when you’ve been diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer, and you’re the mother of a young child, the wife of a stellar (I hope you’re reading this, babe) husband? 

I’m hoping lots of stuff!  When I feel myself getting nervous about the unknowns fighting such a disease, I remember that people die every day for any number of reasons – they could be 80 years old or 8.  Life has no guarantees, so at this point, my mantra must be live every day as if you didn’t have this mess.  Certainly a work in progress….

Anyhow, I was thinking of what to title this blog, and lately, I’ve been missing diving a whole lot.  Before my diagnosis, I LOVED diving.  It was a great escape for me and Lee – no matter what was going on in life, being underwater was like making time stand still for a while.  I only focused on what amazing thing was on the next coral head, how much air I had left, and how I could breathe just a liiiiiiitle bit less so I could stay under longer.  Since September, I obviously haven’t been diving, and I miss it.  A lot.  So, I frequently visit my favorite SCUBA sites (yep, I’ll probably post links to individual sites with permission so you can get a taste of what I miss so much) and look at pics and videos, hoping it’ll satiate my need for the colors, the anticipation, the Rice Krispies sound of our underwater world. 

But then, I thought of another kind of diving, and it all kind of made sense.  Sure, I was one of those people that gets hit with something really crappy and turned to God.  Since I’m new to Christianity, this is a journey for me, and I thought of a book I read in the past year called The Shack.  It references someone’s relationship to God and says that “with respect to God, Mack is no longer just wide, he has gone way deep.  But the dive cost him dearly.”  Well, in the end, my dive will likely cost me dearly as well (as in taking a dirt nap), but I hope that until it does, I continue to go deep with God.  So really, it makes sense.  Maybe right now I’m giving up one kind of diving for another.  Maybe at some point I can do both.  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lisa
    Jul 20, 2010 @ 09:59:25

    I don’t wonder why?? I think it is very cool. I love you tons and look forward to following your blog.
    Your “dive” buddy – Lisa


  2. Keith
    Jul 20, 2010 @ 19:47:47

    Well as you can tell by the first name this is your dad, Such as i am, not the greatest there is but i do try, as i sat at my computer reading you blog tears flowed from my eyes knowing of what i have missed out on since your mother and i parted our seperate ways. Its been really hard for me to accept this horrible disease that you have. Even knowing what you have been through which i can’t even imagine how its been for you, all i can go by is what you tell me, Harmony all i can tell you is my love for you is uncomparible to anything. You have so much strength much more than i do, with God and your strength combined this war will be won by you, we just have to go through the battles. For some reason for the last 6 or 7 years my life has had many ups and downs even with Gods help its been hard, it feels as though i have no emotions anymore no fellings, or i just dont know how to express them anymore. But reading this blog brought more emotion to me than anything in the past even more than Uncle Waynes and Maw Maws death. Just bare with me and forgive me for not being there for you like i should have, because you are a very very special daughter. With all my love


  3. Mom
    Jul 21, 2010 @ 07:09:07

    “When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
    When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
    Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
    Until you come and sit awhile with me.

    You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
    You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
    I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
    You raise me up… To more than I can be.

    There is no life – no life without its hunger;
    Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
    But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
    Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

    You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
    You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
    I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
    You raise me up… To more than I can be.

    You raise me up… To more than I can be. ”

    (compliments of Josh Groban)

    Dear Warrior Daughter,

    I love you so and am so very proud of the woman you are. ‘Tis true, none of know when our time on this dirt is done, but what YOU DO KNOW is that every moment is precious. No regrets. Live, my Beauty. Live every day, love every moment.

    On this journey with you…all my love, Mutti


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